I'm dead.
No really.. In a way I am dead. Part of me doesn't exist anymore. Part of me has died. Parts of me miss the seclusion of the island. Or maybe I just miss a part of my past. Nothing will ever be the same again.
Nothing ever lives up to my expectations. No matter where I am I always feel like there's something bigger and better out there that I'm missing out on.. I'm never happy in the present which means I'm never happy in the future. But I can't settle for what's in front of me... this can't be it... right? If this is all life has to offer... fuck that.
Obviously there's something wrong with me..
Does life only offer different stages of shit???
I need to do something different.. Usually this would mean changing something aesthetic.. But I have only a strip of bright butt-fuck pink hair and I already have an appt. for my next tattoo.
I need a revelation... a realization.
A "Holy fuck Sasheena! Wake the fuck up! You are missing life..."
Am I though??? I do.... stuff. I have good friends, a decent cd collection, a nice wardrobe... what else is there??? I need a hobby. Something expressive that I can stick to. I like modelling and I'm working on my portfolio.. I need to do something I can do alone.. you know??? I wish I had some artistic ability... Maybe I should got ot school... That would make my mom happy... Would it make me happy though???

Who fucking knows and who fucking cares, right???

fuck this.