Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Suzee Suicide's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
1:56 am	? What am I living for? what is my goal in life?? Sometimes I think I'm consumed by other people. not really living if I'm alone. If I am alone, do I become nobody??? What the fuck am I doing?? I am consumed by nothingness. I watch tv. I play with Bowie. I hang out with sisi and bree. I wait. I sleep. I wait every month for the one day I enjoy the most, the one day that makes Vancouver just a little tolerable. How pathetic is that??? There has to be something else going on... Maybe I should talk to different people.. find out what they're doing. I'm trapped in my head the only time I say any of this is on this stupid fucking thing. I don't want to bring anyone down with my shit. I need a project. Something all consuming... something different. Something to spark some life and interest. But, what? It's too quiet here.. too dead.. too sterile. I'm neglecting people that I love and I can't even tell you why. Maybe it's my lack of ability to be interested in small talk. fuck. I don't know. Maybe I should call Heather. (Verbal Suicide)
Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
11:44 pm	I'm dead. No really.. In a way I am dead. Part of me doesn't exist anymore. Part of me has died. Parts of me miss the seclusion of the island. Or maybe I just miss a part of my past. Nothing will ever be the same again. Nothing ever lives up to my expectations. No matter where I am I always feel like there's something bigger and better out there that I'm missing out on.. I'm never happy in the present which means I'm never happy in the future. But I can't settle for what's in front of me... this can't be it... right? If this is all life has to offer... fuck that. Obviously there's something wrong with me.. Does life only offer different stages of shit??? I need to do something different.. Usually this would mean changing something aesthetic.. But I have only a strip of bright butt-fuck pink hair and I already have an appt. for my next tattoo. I need a revelation... a realization. A "Holy fuck Sasheena! Wake the fuck up! You are missing life..." Am I though??? I do.... stuff. I have good friends, a decent cd collection, a nice wardrobe... what else is there??? I need a hobby. Something expressive that I can stick to. I like modelling and I'm working on my portfolio.. I need to do something I can do alone.. you know??? I wish I had some artistic ability... Maybe I should got ot school... That would make my mom happy... Would it make me happy though??? Who fucking knows and who fucking cares, right??? fuck this. Current Music: SVD (Verbal Suicide)
Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
3:06 pm	I Love You (Verbal Suicide)
Thursday, December 15th, 2005
11:08 pm	I did a shoot with nick on sun. You can see a couple pix on modelmayhem.com Photographer: Nickolas (nicholas..?)Burke... It looks good so far. Fuck Christmas right up the ass with a 10" dildo without lube and lots o blood. Love ~Suzee Suicide (Verbal Suicide)
Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
9:58 pm	YAY... I'mmmmmmmm drrrrrrrrrunkkkkkkkkkk! (Verbal Suicide)
Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005
11:48 pm	I hope you fucking die. You are the most pathetic excuse for a human I've ever met and I fucking hate myself for wasting so much of me on you. You wouldn't be who you are if it weren't for me. You wouldn't know anything even existed. You'd still aspire to live on welfare in P.R. LOSER. And what the fuck did you do for me??? NOTHING. You taught me nothing other than to never waste my time with things I know that I'm better than. Everyone told me too. EVERYONE. You thought you existed in my shadow?? Well, you did. You are my fucking shadow. You are my little fucking creation. And it failed because now you're back to doing drugs.. back to fucking pieces of shit. Back to being a fucking parasite. Well I guess you ARE only as good as what surrounds you. I should have listened. You can't change people. Some people are just meant to be trash. I'm sure you're doing everyone proud. Good Job. Loser. (Verbal Suicide)
Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
12:08 am	I love getting under her skin. Do I make your blood boil? your skin crawl? your adrenaline pump? Good. Because you make me homicidal. (Verbal Suicide)
Monday, November 7th, 2005
9:51 pm	I made too many potatos.... oops. (Verbal Suicide)
Saturday, November 5th, 2005
11:42 am	... It's not how I thought it was.. Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: yelworC (Verbal Suicide)
Wednesday, October 26th, 2005
12:52 am	Curtis... Sometimes I want to kick you in the face. (Verbal Suicide)
Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
8:30 pm	AHHHHHHH.... (sigh of relief) I love it because I know that killed you. (Verbal Suicide)
Saturday, October 22nd, 2005
10:32 pm	Eat this ass fuck. ( Read more... ) Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: Pig - "Blades (KMFDM Remix) (Verbal Suicide)
Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
11:44 pm	I need to get out of this mood. It's driving me crazy.. I feel like I'm going to explode.. or maybe implode (?)... I've let it go. Too much to think about but nothing worth thinking. Fuck. I hate that. I want to leave here. I want to go somewhere else. somewhere bigger and better.. Vancouver's too small.. I 've seen it all and I can't fathom staying here much longer. It makes me want to jump off a building.. but will there ever be anywhere big enough for me?? Am I always running??? I haven't found where I'm supposed to be yet. I know it's not here. I'm going to apply to a school in toronto and if I get accepted I'll move there until I'm done.. who knows. I sure as hell don't. but the idea of staying in one spot makes my skin crawl. I think that I never want to stay in one spot. I want to live everywhere. I'll settle when I die. This place has nothing for me. Fuck this. ~Suzee Suicide Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: St. Vitus Dance (2 Suicides | Verbal Suicide)
Monday, October 17th, 2005
7:38 pm	Fuck you It's almost funny how one person can completely ruin everything. Well.. Fuck you. you know who you are I won't let you ruin anything else. I won't let it get to me anymore. You're shit and I don't care. That's it. I just don't fucking care anymore. I just don't fucking care. Goodbye. Love ~Suzee Suicide (Verbal Suicide)
Wednesday, October 12th, 2005
12:08 am	Why??? Why do I torture myself with this??? Why can't I stop dreaming about it? I have a pit in my stomach. I want to stab myself in the pit and let it drain out so I never have to feel it again. I dreamt about it last night... and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. You know what it is... that thing. That one thing that hurts so bad.. there's no way to let it go. The one thing you feel like happened yesterday... it's impossible to move on. I try my best to find reminders of it even though I don't really even know where to start looking. but I always find something to make the stabbing pain even worse. I know I'm better than this.. I know I don't deserve to make myself feel like this.. or maybe I do deserve it.? I've destroyed peoples lives and now I'm destroying mine. FUCK THIS. I HATE MYSELF. Current Mood: crushed Current Music: Numb (2 Suicides | Verbal Suicide)
Sunday, July 31st, 2005
4:50 pm	TOOOOOOOOOOO HOTTTTTTTT. I want to kill myslef its so disgustingly hot. fuck global warming. FUCK. no wait it's too hot to fuck. that would be gross. how about just shoot yourself in the head or drink a crap load of daquiris which is my plan.. I'm not going to skank because it's too hot and gross and that club is little and hot... la la la la la... It must be so gross for bowie since he's so furry... aww.. poor bowie.. I got a new TATTOO on wednesday.. thanks dyl. it's the old skool sp. I lurv it. AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Too hot to think... must.. get drunk... NOW! Talk to you cretins later... Love, ~Suzee Suicide (Verbal Suicide)
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
7:32 pm	Borred and in HELL TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey Name: Suzee Suicide Birthday: Feb.15 Birthplace: CR motherfucker Current Location: HELL Eye Color: Green/ blue/ grey Hair Color: black and pink Height: a giant 5'2 Right Handed or Left Handed: right Your Heritage: czech The Shoes You Wore Today: knee high pvc boots and leopard print m.j's Your Weakness: clothing Your Fears: my bruised lip falling off Your Perfect Pizza: spinach amd feta..... mmmmm..... Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Blanch Macdonald Special FX make-up Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: instant messenger can lick my ass.. Thoughts First Waking Up: do I really have to???? Your Best Physical Feature: My eyes.. Your Bedtime: whenever I fall asleep or pass out depending Your Most Missed Memory: I don't have a memory Pepsi or Coke: Daquiri MacDonalds or Burger King: Subway Single or Group Dates: depends are you actually interested in the person? Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Snapple Chocolate or Vanilla: Green tea Cappuccino or Coffee: Iced Capp. Do you Smoke: maybe Do you Swear: like a fucking trucker Do you Sing: can courtney love sing??? Do you Shower Daily: yes. but I don't wash my hair that's gross... Have you Been in Love: yes Do you want to go to College: yes Do you want to get Married: not legally... ewww... i don't know.. Do you belive in yourself: yes.. I fucking ROCK. Do you get Motion Sickness: yes.. I'm a wuss. Do you think you are Attractive: absoFUCKINGlutley Are you a Health Freak: rrrrrright... Do you get along with your Parents: I kind of get along with my mom... Do you like Thunderstorms: yes.. Do you play an Instrument: ha ha ha.. take off your pants and I'll show you... In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: a little :) In the past month have you Smoked: a little :) In the past month have you been on Drugs: no.... In the past month have you gone on a Date: I don't think so....???? In the past month have you gone to a Mall: unfortunately.... In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no.. I'm not a fucking cow.. In the past month have you eaten Sushi: god yes... In the past month have you been on Stage: I don't think so but I couldn't be certain In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: ewwww... then people would see me naked... In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no... Ever been Drunk: maybe.. Ever been called a Tease: maybe.. Ever been Beaten up: maybe.. Ever Shoplifted: no How do you want to Die: with the love of my life beside me... burn baby burn.. What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Everything... What country would you most like to Visit: Germany In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: green Favourite Hair Color: black Short or Long Hair: short and styled Height: tall Weight: average` Best Clothing Style: industrial/punk Number of Drugs I have taken: 15 Number of CDs I own: 300 Number of Piercings: 9 Number of Tattoos: 6 Number of things in my Past I Regret: 0 CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS! KILL ME NOW Current Mood: drained Current Music: The Distillers... (Verbal Suicide)
Sunday, July 3rd, 2005
2:26 pm	PINK My hair is an even brighter shade of pink.. cuz I'm a dork.. la la la la... I'm at Curt's being cool.. that's right you heard me... BITCH. I'm in a weird.. I have a cold.. mood... I can't breathe..*cough cough fall over and die* I'm going to puke on Curt now. Death to anyone who stands in my path... or on my hair. ~Suzee Suicide (Verbal Suicide)
Tuesday, June 28th, 2005
7:58 pm	X I have a photoshoot tomorrow... fab. and I feel fat. GREAT. Everything good seems to be met by something bad. God listent to me... I'm pathetic. I want to shoot myself in the head right now.. I need to talk to you but I've lost my voice when we're together... I care too much about what you think.. I think too much. I try too hard and forget myself. I need to let it be... let this paranoia go. But in order for me to do that I have to find my voice and spit the words out.. whenever we talk I come so close... I scare the shit out of myself by overthinking it. and then I stop and pretend it's nothing. I'm scared of the answer. I keep thinking it doesn't matter. We're together now.. but it does. FUCK. Go fucking kill something. ~Suzee Suicide (Verbal Suicide)
Thursday, June 9th, 2005
9:59 pm	KILL... I hate bois.. I hope they all burn in hell... Either the one you like doesn;t want to be with you.. or they have a grrlfriend... or you're too shy to talk to them.. that's right people.. I'm too shy... weird huh??? Whatever... that's why they make vibrators... fucking bastards... whatever.. I'm going to sin city this weekend... and it's going to be soooooooo fun. so there. blah. I hate everything. ~Suzee Suicide (Verbal Suicide)